La la la

I know I know. I have abandoned this blog as much and as long as I have abandoned my feeling. Too busy pampering and comforting a confused soul mine got totally burnt out. Who is to blame? My fricking pathetic self I must say. Okay truth be told, I’m not good with opening up my essence and put it onto display. Even so if no one’s to read it but me. Last two weeks have been a crazy and perplexing. Mr P has taken me in a roller-coaster ride and left me baffled. I want to believe that we are okay, we are cool, and he is just going through a phase. He is scared of being loved yet he doesn’t want to be alone. He wants to have somebody in his life yet he can’t let go of his ‘own’ space. He wants to have that bond with someone yet he is afraid of commitments. The question is – is it really a phase that he is going through, or was he born to never get off this phase in his life? I am no smart ass I wouldn’t know the answer. But one thing for sure I have started to get tired of it. What do I do then? Keep waiting for a miracle to happen? Maybe I should start with asking myself – what do I want from this? Do I want him to come back and make my life miserable like he did and always does? Or… what? Is there anything else?